you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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