I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
