When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
