We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
