he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
