Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
