May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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