My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
