If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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