Im at strip club and am horny
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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