New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
