Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
