Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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