Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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