"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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