btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
