You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
