Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
