I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
