The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
