Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i dont even know how to be here
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
