apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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