Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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