ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
