if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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