so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
