Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
