Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Randomize
