It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would fuck him just for his dog
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
