MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
