I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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