loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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