Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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