Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
