When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry about my life...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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