My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
