just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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