Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
