I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
