dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
