I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
