He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
