If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
