you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
