Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
