Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
