all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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