After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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