I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
