I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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