I am in a vortex of obligation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
