He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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