I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
