How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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