I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize