Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
