What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
