I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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