Got a toothbrush?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
